“Where’s mom?” he asked innocently enough as he put down
his books and rummaged through the ice box for last night’s fried chicken. He was tall for his age, but rather
skinny. He could easily put away a whole
tray of chicken or an entire large pizza without thinking about it. “We need to talk,” said Nana with a concerned
tone in her voice. Even at 14, Jack knew
that no good conversation ever started out with those four words. He looked at his father and grandmother who
were somber and sitting at their dinette which was really a card table with
four folding chairs. “Your mother has
left,” said Tom Bronson abruptly as he ran his hand through his unkempt stock
of dirty blond hair. Nana shot her son a
dirty look and tried to cushion the blow.
“Jack, it seems she needed to take some time and figure things out,” said
Nana gently. “Jesus Christ mother,
don’t sugar coat it for the boy - she’s gone.
She left me and her son plain and simple.” Jack’s father walked past Jack and got
another Miller from the ice box.
“Wait, what do you mean she’s gone?” Jack sat down at the table looking into
Nana’s tired brown eyes hoping to get more answers. “She’s been screwing Teddy Jenson for months
and ran away with him – goddamn whore!” fumed his father. “Watch your language son – the boy needs
–“ Nana started. “The boy needs to know that his mother was a
lying slut – making a fool of me –of us – shit- we’re the laughing stock of the
town.” Tom was getting drunker, angrier
and his blue eyes were more glazed and bloodshot.
Nana stood up and looked at her
son. “I know you are upset, but you have
your son to think about and you are in no condition to discuss this with
him. How about I take him for the
weekend? You get your bearings and we’ll
discuss things tomorrow.” Nana walked
to Jack’s room to get his overnight bag.
Father and son sat there awkwardly regarding each other.
“But Mom said she’d take me to see Ghostbuster’s this
weekend,” Jack said,
his eyes filling with tears. Jack’s mother Angela shared his
fascination with ghosts, the paranormal, and everything that he considered
cool. His father was distant and
dismissive – he was a few years older than Angela who he had married out of
high school and their age difference took its toll on their marriage as did the
Tom’s drinking and his abusive outbursts. Jack’s mother was the one buffer that kept
his father from constantly taking a belt to him because he felt his son’s mind
was full of crazy dreams that would never come true. “Boy, listen
to me straight – that woman is more than likely out of our lives forever and
the sooner you get used to it the better –“ Tom guzzled down another beer and
threw it into the garbage can on top of the five he had already finished
off.
Nana returned to the kitchen with Jack’s small overnight
bag and his stuffed 101 Dalmation puppy which his mother had given him when he
was two – he still slept with it every night.
“Oh, hell no – he’s not walking out of this house with that stuffed dog
so he can sleep with it like some goddamn faggot – you’ve got to stop coddling
him Mother!” He grabbed the dog and
walked to the outside garbage bin and threw the stuffed puppy in there. Young Jack was reeling – he whispered “Pup-Pup!”
and looked at Nana who gave him a reassuring nod. “We’re
going now. If you need to tie one on
tonight – I understand but you better be sober when we return on Sunday
afternoon,” Tom looked away and didn’t even say good-bye to his son.
Nana and young Jack walked slowly out to the car but as
they passed the trash bin, Nana picked up Pup-Pup and put him discreetly in her
purse. The drive to her house was
silent. She didn’t want to push Jack to
say much of anything but still wanted him to tell her how he felt. Young Jack on the other hand felt this was a
huge mistake. His father had driven her
away – his beautiful mother would never betray the family. He was her little man – the person she would
pour her heart out to. He knew his parents
were having issues but not enough to just abandon him completely. Yes, he knew his father was an asshole. But she was smart, funny, pretty and she
told her son every day how much she loved him.
This was just one big cluster fuck – he was sure of it. If he could just talk to her – he could make
things right or maybe she’d take him with her – mothers always got custody and
then he’d never have to see his father again.
Nana pulled into the driveway of her one story
ranch. They walked into her small kitchen
which smelled of coffee and biscuits instead of stale beer. Nana put Jack’s bag in the guest room where
he would spend the night from time to time.
He sat on the bed and stared blankly at the wall which had a poster of
Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters.
Nana had gotten it for him
for Christmas
but his father insisted the poster stay at her house. Jack wanted to be a real life Ghost Buster but
his father dismissed it as a load of crap.
His mother never ruled it out and they would check out books on ghosts
from the library since they could not afford to buy them. He reached for Pup-Pup and realized that his
stuffed animal like his childhood was gone.
He fell back on the bed and started to cry. His father was not around and he didn’t have
to be brave for his mother when his dad would strike out. He was at Nana’s – a safe zone and she would let
him cry even if he was a boy and boys should never cry. He closed his eyes and felt the warm salty
water fall down his cheeks. He grasped
the pillow and buried his head in it.
Nana asked him if he needed anything and he mumbled “No!” His quiet sobs exhausted him and he ended up
napping for two hours. When he woke up –
Pup-Pup was sitting next to him – newly washed and smelling like fabric softener. Jack grabbed the little dog and hugged him –
it didn’t matter that his father would call him a faggot for doing so – it was
a gift from his mother and one of the last things he now had of her.
Angela Bronson sat next to Ted Jenson as they drove out
of Georgia and into
Alabama. The
excitement of finally being with her lover was tempered with leaving her son
with her abusive husband. She brushed her long blond hair from her face and looked
out the window as they traveled on I-20 on the way to Birmingham – nothing but
road and trees and her own thoughts as Ted fumbled with the radio. Ray Parker Jr.’s Ghostbusters theme came on the radio – Ted began to chuckle –
Angela started to cry. She and Jack were
supposed to see the movie that night for the 10th time at the cheap
movie theater but she saw her chance to escape and took it. “Please change the dial,” she said choking
back tears. Ted fumbled again and Stevie
Wonder’s I Just Called to Say I Love You
blared from the stereo. Ted started to
sing the lyrics badly trying to cheer her up.
Angela smiled – not because Ted’s singing was actually
making her feel better but it gave her an idea.
She asked if they could stop at the next rest stop so that she could
call her son and tell him that she loved him and they would sort all this
out. She knew her husband wouldn’t let
her talk to him but maybe if she could get to her mother-in-law she might have
a chance – she had an answering machine.
If she couldn’t talk to Jack directly, she could at least leave him a
message with her and pray that he got it.
The cold night air bit harshly as Angela and Ted got out
of the car. He offered to get her a
coffee as she fumbled for change to call her son who was probably confused and
angry. She didn’t want her son to think
that was his fault. She had a plan –
she was going to get him in a few months after they had settled in Birmingham
and they could start a whole new life together.
Ted would make a great step-dad and she was still young enough to have
more children. But right now, she needed
to talk to her boy, her little Jack – the one person on the planet who
completely understood her.
She dialed her mother-in-law’s number slowly wondering if
he was there and if Claire would let her talk to him. They had never really
gotten along and now that she had left her son chances were she would not be
all that willing to pass a message on.
But mother to mother, she had to understand how much Jack needed to hear
from her right now. The phone rang four times before the answering
machine picked up. Angela knew her
mother-in-law liked to screen her calls so she made her plea as simply as
possible. “Jack, this is Mom. I’m so sorry about today. I know how confused you must be – you might
even hate me which I would understand.
But I love you so much. I tried
to stay. I really did but I couldn’t but
that does not mean I don’t love you. I’m
trying to make a new life and when it’s secure, I’ll come and get you because
you are my little man. I love you more
than anything. Always remember that –
Jack. I love you and we’ll be back
together soon.” Angela hung up the phone
feeling that as much as she told Jack that she loved him – it would never be
enough. Ted handed her a Styrofoam cup
of black coffee and a Snickers. Angela
smiled because he remembered her favorite candy bar - something her husband
would never had done.
Nana and young Jack returned from the movies – a double
feature of Ghostbusters and The Karate Kid - full of popcorn and
corn dogs. “Let’s get you to bed Honey,”
said Nana who was actually more tired than her grandson. Jack smiled, kissed his grandmother and went
into the guest room. He sat on the bed
and the silence in the room only highlighted that his mother was not
around. He picked up Pup-Pup and hugged
him hoping to pick up the scent of his mother but instead got nothing more than
a whiff of Tide and Downy. Jack got in his pajamas, curled up with his
stuffed animal and prayed things would get better.
Angela fell asleep in the loving arms of her soon to be
husband Ted. It had been ages since
she’d been able to sleep through the night – her current husband always kept
her on edge because she was never sure if he would suddenly turn on her. Her slumber was riddled with guilt about
leaving her son behind. She wished she
had been able to go to school to pick him up but she feared a call to her
husband would tip him off and scrap the entire plan. It had not always been that way – Tom was
once a loving man when they first met when she was a senior in high school
stopping by Walgreens where she worked to pick up a pack of Marlboros. He was five years older and out of college - handsome and muscular - but he had a sensitive side. He’d write her poems and leave them on the counter in an
envelope. They got married when she
graduated and their life was practically perfect until he was called to serve
in Vietnam when Jack was two. Angela
begged him to move the family to Canada to avoid the draft but he insisted that
it was his duty as an American and he would fight with honor like his father
did in World War II.
Jack stirred out of his sleep the next morning to hear
the faint sound of his mother telling him that she loved him. “It was all just a dream – I knew it!” he
thought happily and jumped out of bed.
He ran to her voice to find Nana’s disapproving face playing the message
back and not realizing it had awoken Jack.
“Where’s Mom?” Jack asked still not realizing it was a message and not
the real thing.
Nana tried to brace herself. Her fury at Angela for betraying her son was
almost overwhelming but she knew Tom had problems ever since he had come home
from Vietnam just as her husband had from Germany. The difference was that WWII veterans were
treated as heroes, liberators. Vietnam
vets were considered damaged goods by the general public and worse criminals
and baby killers by the war protesters.
Her husband had more support in the 1940’s but her son had nothing –
people were afraid to hire Vietnam vets around these parts because of all the
bad press. He had to resort to odd jobs – this from a man who could have had
brilliant career as an attorney, a writer – anything he put his mind to. But the war had damaged his soul – left it with
a black stain on his psyche that made it seem like any dream was impossible.
“Nana, that was Mom, can I hear the whole message? Please!” pleaded Jack. For a nano second – Nana considered erasing
the message – erasing this irresponsible woman from their life. But she didn’t – the only good thing that
woman had done was bring Jack into the world and she would honor Jack even if
she wanted to throttle Angela. Nana said
nothing and replayed the message. Jack listened and his tears spoke
volumes. His mother’s words “I love you more than anything. Always remember that – Jack. I love you and we’ll be back together soon,”
meant that there was still a chance to be together. Natively he thought Nana would come with
him. “Let’s get some breakfast,” said Nana quietly lost in her
own thoughts and wondering if she should play the tape for Tom.
Angela awoke to find Ted making coffee in their little
hotel room – their bags packed and ready to continue on. He handed her a cup and in the light of day
her decision seemed so right and so wrong at the same time. Jack was not there and a part of her heart
was missing. “We have to go back and get Jack,” she
announced out loud with a volume that surprised both of them. “Tom is going to fight us tooth and nail on that
one hon-“ replied Ted knowing Tom Bronson as he did. The guy played for keeps
and he was not about to let both his wife and son just walk out the door
without a fight - that crazy asshole might just resort to making his point with
a gun. Angela would not be deterred. “Maybe if I could meet with Claire – Jack’s
Nana beforehand and explain – maybe we might have a chance,” she said
hopefully. “The roads in on are pretty
icy. Why don’t we wait a few days? The weather report says both I-20 and 285
are bad.” “I just can’t rest until I
can talk to Jack directly – I’m afraid that Tom will turn him against me,
please Ted – we need to go back.” Ted
knew there was no sense in arguing. He
had all-weather tires on his truck and knew how to drive in the ice but still
it felt like it was a really bad idea.
Angela picked up the phone and called Nana and asked her bring Jack and
meet her and Ted at the Silver Spoon around 6:00 p.m.
Nana got off the phone with Angela and walked into the
living room where Jack was watching his Saturday morning Creature Features on channel
51. “Jack, for dinner, why don’t we go
to the Silver Spoon – my treat.” Jack
smiled – the movies last night and going out to dinner tonight – things were
looking up. “What about Dad?” he asked
cautiously. “Your father can fend for himself tonight,” said Nana hoping that her son would
not show up by chance. She did not want
to tell Jack his mother would be there just in case Angela lost her nerve and
didn’t show up.
Ted and Angela finished their breakfast at the Waffle
House and headed back to Dawsonville even though there were ice warnings. The roads were bleak and sleek but Angela
would not be deterred – she had to see her son and plead with Nana to turn him
over. The mood in the car was tense,
not because Ted didn’t want Angela to see Jack again but because the road
conditions were getting steadily worse.
There seemed to be a thick haze on the road as sleet fell softly. Ted kept his speed under the limit but a big
semi that had been tail gating for the last few miles decided to pass them only
to jack knife in front of their car. Ted
hit the brakes and put out his arm to catch Angela just as they made
impact. The sound of screeching tires,
breaking glass and crunching metal was the last thing that Angela heard before
she lost consciousness.
Angela woke up with a start – she was in her
mother-in-law’s guest room cuddling next to her son who was crying into his
Pup-Pup. “Jack – it’s Mom – I’m here-
it’s okay.” Jack didn’t acknowledge
her. “Jack- it’s okay, Mommy is
here. I love you Jack – please say
something!” Nana appeared in the doorway – in a dress of
all things. She walked over to Jack and
hugged him. She handed him a suit and
helped him get into it. They didn’t talk
– not a word. Jack just looked at the
Ghost Buster poster as his grandmother put his suit jacket on and clipped on a
dark stripped tie. “Hey, Jack – I know
you’re mad at me – but please – say something, baby – I love you – please!”
Angela went over to Claire. “You turned him against me?! What the hell Claire – I know you didn’t
like me but to make him ignore me – Jesus Christ woman – look at me!” Angela shouted. Jack and Nana just walked by and didn’t say
a word.
Angela opened what looked like a program and realized the
memorial service was for her. “What –
no- that’s impossible?! I’m walking
around – I’m alive!” Her mind reeled when she saw Ted – limping on crutches
with a black eye. “Oh my God, Ted what happened
to you?
Where are we?” Ted looked and the grave, let go of his
crutches and fell to his knees. “I
should have told you no – I should have made you wait until the roads were
better – but I could never say no to you and now you’re gone – I loved you
Angie and I always will.” Angela closed
her eyes and silently screamed.
When she opened them – she was back in her home as her
husband, her mother-in-law and son returned from her funeral. Tom went to the refrigerator and got a beer
and offered Jack one. “Here you go, boy-
you might as well start now –“ Nana walked in and immediately snatched the beer
out of Jack’s hands. “C’mon Mother, the
boy needs a little liquid courage – “ Tom chuckled and stumbled out into the
living room. “Goddam crochet – where’s
my hunting knife? I’m going to cut these fucking blankets to shreds!” “No Dad, it’s all I have left of her,”
pleaded Jack.
Nana walked up to her son and looked at him face to
face. “Hear me now Tom, you have a
right to be upset, angry, betrayed – all that.
But I swear to God as my witness if you do not get yourself together for
Jack’s sake – I will sue for total custody – do you read me?” Tom knew from the look on his mother’s face
that she meant business. Angela felt a
little sigh of relief. She’d had a hard
time getting along with her mother-in-law in life but she never doubted how
much she loved Jack – it was the one thing they had in common. Jack stood in the doorway of the kitchen
trying to hold back tears because his father hated the weakness that crying
showed. “Jack, you’re going to stay
with me for a while - we need to give
your father some time to adjust, we’ll get your things later.” Tom sat motionless on the couch – staring
straight ahead. Jack hoped he’d put up a
little bit of a fight showing that he wasn’t going to let go of his son that
easily but he sat there glassy eyed and silent. Jack gathered up a few of the crocheted
blankets that were folded neatly in the corner.
He and Nana walked out the front door and let the screen door slam as
they left.
Angela looked at her husband and tried to remember what
she had first seen in him. It was the
poet, the kindness, the way he protected her.
She wanted Jack to have those same qualities. Tom
got up and found his hunting knife – he started to pick up the multi-colored
blanket on the couch – the one she
made when they were first married and
started to cut it. Angela’s anger
started to rise. She ran over to stop
him and knocked over their wedding photo which was on the TV. Tom
looked up – “Damn right – “ he walked over and smashed the frame with his
foot. Angela anger turned to pure rage – she
knocked over a trophy Tom had won for sharp shooting. “What the fuck?!” Buoyed by her new abilities and feeling the
need for payback, she started to knock more things over – knick nacks, books on
the shelves, hunting magazines. “Hey,
Mother - Jack – knock this shit off – it’s not funny!” Tom declared hoping his mother and son would
show themselves as sick pranksters they were but there was nothing – it was
clear he was all alone.
Tom stumbled back into the kitchen. He got a glass and heard the sound of running
water. He looked to see the knob on the
faucet turning by itself. He dropped
his glass and then saw the upper cabinet open.
The plates started to fly out.
Angela was striking back in a way she never could have when she was
alive. Tom dove under the table and
felt like he was under attack. The
porcelain was shattering around him and he was shaking under the table. His wife could feel his terror and felt
vindicated because he now knew what it was like to fear someone
who could turn on you in an instant.
Then she heard something that surprised her. A soul wrenching sob was coming from under
the dinette from a man who shunned tears.
He was rocking back and forth – looking like an old man and a young
child at the same time. Angela sat next
to him. His eyes were wild and any
second he could literally loose his mind.
Payback was one thing but permanent dementia was another. She put her hand in his and he started to
calm down. “I miss my Angie girl
–“ Tom had not called her that since
before he left for Vietnam. “I miss
what we could have had- I miss the man I was – I’m so sorry babe –so I’m
sorry!” He closed his eyes and sobbed.
Angela put her arm around her husband out of
instinct. His rocking stopped – he
opened his eyes and he looked around.
“Angie?” he asked hopefully –
praying this whole ordeal had been a drunken stupor and not reality. But
the fact that his wife was truly gone was setting in. He got up from under the table and surveyed
the broken dishes. “How the hell?” he
said still trying to comprehend it. He started to get another beer but the
refrigerator would not open – Angela was keeping it closed. Tom started to feel sick and ran into the
bathroom past the sink and the mirror.
As he was throwing up in the toilet- the hot water to the shower came
on. Tom reached for a towel and tried
to turn the water off but it would not budge.
He went over to the sink and tried to wash his face as the steam of the
shower filled the room. He looked up at
the mirror and saw the impossible – letters forming as if someone was writing
on the mirror. “T – Get Help! –
A”. Tom looked around to see if someone
was in the room with him but he was alone.
He looked at the mirror again and another message appeared – “I’m
watching – A” Tom screamed and ran out
of the bathroom. He got to the bedroom
and locked the door. He tried to call
his mother but she and Jack had not arrived.
He felt like he was losing his mind – worse than when he was in
Vietnam. Angela took pity on him and
watched as he got into bed – shaking.
She lifted the covers and put them over his shivering body. Tom smiled, “I know you’re here – I’m sorry!” He closed his eyes and fell asleep. Angie sat down next to her husband wishing
that he had let her see him like this – the scared warrior child. Tom dreamt of his wife, his young son and how
things should have been. At the end of
the dream – Angie came to him and spoke directly. “Tom, you need to be a father to Jack – not a
drunk – not a raging manic but the man you were supposed to be. Please find it in yourself to love him. Do that – or what happened in the kitchen is
nothing compared to what I’m willing to do to protect our son.”
Tom woke up with a start. It was dark outside and he was alone. He’d always be alone if he didn’t
change. He called his mother and asked
to speak to Jack. “Hey son, I’m sorry
about today – it’s just that – I’m just sorry.” Jack listened and didn’t say
anything – he wasn’t even sure it was his dad talking. “Uh, okay dad,” he said trying to wrap his
head around this change in his father.
“I’d like to come over and have dinner with you and Nana if that’s
okay.”
“Sure – come over – Nana is
making sausage and potatoes – but she calls it Bangers and Mash,” Jack said
excitedly. “That sounds like your
grandmother,” he chuckled. Tom put down
the phone and changed his clothes. He went into Angie’s side of the closet and
found a photo album – photos of the two of them when they started dating, their
make-shift wedding and honeymoon in Savannah.
There were the photos of Jack as an infant and toddler and many of Jack
and Angela from when Tom was fighting but after he got back – the pictures
stopped. Those moments were too tense
and barely documented.
Tom arrived at his mother’s 30 minutes later. Nana and Jack seemed a bit tentative at
first. But as they waited for dinner to be ready, Tom showed Jack the pictures
in the album – and talked about the time he met Angela, when he found out she
was pregnant with him, some of his old poems that she had kept. Nana looked at her son and saw the man she
used to know before the war did terrible things to him. Jack saw a man who actually wanted to be his
father. That night, they told stories
about Angela who was in the corner listening – crying but feeling at
peace. Her son was safe
with people who loved him. Then something
truly miraculous happened. On the worst
night of his young life - the night of his mother’s funeral – while he and his father were talking
about all the crazy things his parents did when they were young – Jack and Tom
Bronson had a good laugh together.
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