The Rock Salt Circle

I woke up for the last time in my room on Lake Lanier to the smell of strawberry waffles and fresh brewed coffee.  “Hey there sweetie – time to get up,” my Granddaddy said as the sun rose over the blue water.  He looked tired which for a ghost was saying a lot.  I knew I would miss him terribly when I went to college even though I had never met him when he was alive.  He came into my world about the time my kitten Sassy was hit by a car when I was six and I prayed to see her one more time.  My prayers were answered when I was able to see the spirit of my sweet kitty along with a whole host of ghosts who decided that they needed the help of a six year old to get closure on their unfinished business.  All of it was over whelming until Granddaddy stepped in from beyond and started to take control of the situation so that his great-granddaughter would not be too traumatized by the fact she could see a wide array of dead people.  

“Okay, I’m up.  But I still don’t understand why you can’t come with me Granddad,” I said not knowing how I would negotiate a whole new world of ghosts without him.   “Now, girlie-girl –we talked about this - I’m bound to this place – the city itself – I can't leave and besides someone needs to keep an eye on your mother,” he said with a smile and a wink.  I smiled back but we both knew it would be a while before I came back home for a visit after the disaster of my Cotillion.  My date - who was the son of one of the richest doctors in town- turned out to be a serial rapist.  I managed to get away before it was too late but two of my classmates – Betty and Sherry – were not so lucky.  My last week at home was a flurry of interviews with police officers who were trying to build a case against Tad Palmer.  At this point I just wanted to get out of town and start my new life in Tallahassee at Florida State.

Granddaddy  sat on-top of my suitcases and looked down.  I sensed that he was going to miss me as much as I was going to miss him.  "I love you Granddaddy," I said as I sat next to him.   "You're the purest soul I've ever met - don't let the bastards get you down.  You got a gift - don't be afraid to use it."   I smiled and leaned in forgetting he was not solid.  I fell off the suitcases which made Granddaddy laugh.  "Girly girl - you do that every time and it makes me smile.  And...I love you too!"  he smiled and faded out.

I threw on my favorite jeans and Bruce Springsteen t-shirt and headed down the stairs.  Etta was standing at the stove making my favorite breakfast.  “Hey Etta,” I said quietly.  This woman had been my rock and I was closer to her by far than my own mother.  She never treated me like a freak because I could see ghosts – she always loved me for who I was.  “Hey there – I made your favorite breakfast for my favorite girl –“ her voice broke off.  We both looked at each other and our eyes started to well up.  I always felt safe in her arms from the time I was a toddler.  I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen – her dark eyes and skin seemed so exotic to me.  She had also guided me through the thorny path of being able to see the dead.  Having grown up in New Orleans she had special understanding of the occult and for her my abilities were not freakish. She never made me feel weird or tried to dismiss what I saw as a child's flight of fancy.  She never wavered – she just loved me.  She smoothed down my hair and served up her classic strawberry waffles and maple bacon.  “I’m going to miss this Etta – you and me having breakfast together – “ “Now Baby Girl – don’t get me started – your father will be here any minute and you know how he hates emotional goodbyes.”

Mother came downstairs with her platinum blond hair coiffed, a cream colored pair of slacks and a matching apricot sweater set -no matter what that woman always had time to coordinate.   “Well Sophia - I can’t believe today is the day.  Are you sure you want to go to now and not wait until January – especially after everything that’s happened?”  she asked showing some genuine concern and residual guilt for setting me up with Tad.  She sat down with us and had coffee which was her habit.  She didn’t really eat breakfast - coffee and a cigarette which she sneaked when no one was around - was her morning ritual.   

The three of us sat there awkwardly - my birth mother and my emotional mother trying to find the right words.  It's interesting when you know one phase of your life is ending and another beginning so you can prepare -  it happens with things like marriages, births, new jobs and going to college.  But so much of life's changes are unexpected - like learning that you can see ghosts or that your date might just take something from you that is precious with terrible force.  

Most times the unexpected is death - and those spirits that can't accept it usually come to someone like me for help.  I try to keep that in mind when I'm bombarded by them but I've come to realize too many people are just not ready to let go - no matter how old they are.   There are any number of grandmothers that come to tell me that they still keep tabs on their children and grandchildren.  Children that still hang around their parents trying to offer comfort.  All needing my help and hoping I might be able to offer a message or two to  those they loved so they can find some peace.   It's a blessing and a curse as Etta put it - so few who had the gift and actually did the right thing by it.  I was apparently one of the few. 

I could discuss these things with Etta.  My mother was just too uncomfortable with it and had always wished I was still her obedient little girl with blond hair and blue eyes who would do exactly as she said before I changed - before Sassy died.  My ability was definitely not one she was prepared for and I think she mourns for the child that I was and the marriage she thinks she lost because of it.  

My father entered with his usual cheer - putting on a happy face even though he had spent the last week berating my mother for the whole Cotillion disaster.  He blamed her for trying to make me a debutante and feeling like my station in life was supposed to be dictated by the man I was destined to marry.  But in the last day or two, he became less frustrated with Mom realizing that it was not helping the situation and was only making me more anxious. 

"Hello ladies!  How's my college girl?"  "I'm good daddy - we can go anytime," I said ready to get the hell out of dodge but still not quite sure I was ready to leave everything I had ever known - both good and bad.  "Do I have some time for coffee and some of Etta's famous waffles?" he asked.  "Of course Daddy - I'll bring my bags downstairs."  "Hold your horses - Sugar Bear - let me have some breakfast and then we'll get going."  My dad sat down and ate breakfast with his girls and made jokes which made us laugh. I wished it could have always been like this.   He and my mother had been at each other's throats but now that I was leaving there seemed to be a relative calm over the house.  

"Sophia, your mother and I have a surprise for you," Daddy said with a huge smile that my mother also mirrored.  "You need a way to get around campus so here you are."  In the drive way was a red 1980 Toyota  Celica it was the cutest car I had ever seen.  "We'll drive down in this and then I'll fly back on Sunday."  I stood in awe that they were able to keep it a secret and I hugged both of them.  "Thank you - oh my God - I can't believe I have my own wheels!"  
  

Daddy and I loaded up my stuff and I was glad that I had mostly suitcases that fit in the trunk along with Dad's one overnight bag.   I gave Etta a big hug goodbye and another one to my mother who to my surprise I was actually going to miss.  Daddy handed me the keys but I let him drive since he made me nervous whenever I got behind the wheel.  I looked out the window as we pulled out of the driveway so my dad could not see how hard I was crying.   He touched my hand and said, "It's okay Sugar bear, I understand - change is a very hard thing - it's a good thing sometimes but it's also tough to do."  I nodded and sat back.  

Leaving the house I had grown up in, I realized that Daddy and Mother had been divorced longer now than they had been married.  He left the day after the family reunion that my mother orchestrated to show what a big happy family we were.  He had planned it long before I started to see ghosts but in my mother's mind - that was his tipping point.  He'd get me every weekend and we'd spend it together until Cynthia came into his life and then it was every other weekend.   She tried to act like my mother -but I was so angry at the fact that he wanted to spend more time with her than me that we were never very close.  Eventually they got married and she had two daughters - my half sisters Patricia and Abby.  I was 10 when Patricia was born and 12 when Abby arrived.  I had tried to get along with them but the age difference was an issue as well as the fact in my mind that they had stolen my daddy.  I was 18 now and they were eight and six and most of the time felt like their sitter rather than their sister. 

As we were driving I realized that this trip would be most uninterrupted time in years that I had with my father.  Between his marriage, my two half sisters and his law practice - we had very little one-on-one time since I was about six years old.  He felt guilty about the Cotillion and how he was unable to protect me.  It was not his fault - not really my mother's fault either - it was really a world that valued money, power and social position which gave some people in that strata the idea that they could perpetrate any crime and there would be no repercussions.  While my parents had serious qualms about me attending college on my own - I guess they figured if I could handle being assaulted and fighting back and all the ghosts that had come at me over the last 12 years - I could probably handle frat boys.  At least now, I knew what to look for in the asshole department and avoid it.  Frankly, unlike a lot of girls my age - I was not looking for a boyfriend my first week in college. 

As we pulled away from Atlanta on I-75, the reality of starting fresh in Tallahassee hit me full on.  It was fun and scary at the same time.  We made our way down Georgia to Macon and I got some strong impressions but was not sure if it was my own nerves or actually something supernatural going on.  I-75 looked basically the same for hours - the only thing that broke things up were billboards advertising trucker strip joints and gas stations that sold boiled peanuts.  

As we drove into exit 33 and the city of Cordele - I caught sight of a rocket that seemed to be very out of place and asked Daddy if he knew what it was.  "Sugar bear - that is a genuine Confederate nuclear missile," he said matter-of-factley.  "It's a what?" I asked.  "Here let's pull off and I'll show you."  Sure enough as we drove in - there was a plaque near the 11 story missile that explained that it had flown into space in the 1960's.  "That's cool dad," said wishing we had more time to explore the weird side of Georgia.  Just then - I got a very uncomfortable feeling.   There was something weird nearby but I could not get a good fix on it.  My father noticed my face and got the drift that something was askew.  He quickly paid for the Icees from the gas station next to the missile and we were soon back on our way.  

"Hey why don't we get off I-75 and hit some back roads just to break things up?" he asked.  "That sounds great Daddy,"   I said but I felt light headed and closed my eyes hoping a little sleep might clear my head.  We went on Route 300 and the feelings only got more intense.  I kept on seeing flashes of Klansman along the side of the road and other people running away from them - some white and some black.  I could also smell whiskey and gun powder.  My father got quiet and serious as well.  "Daddy - did you see something?" I asked wondering if he could feel it too.  "No Sugar Bear, it's just getting later than I'd like - I wanted you to be there before dark," he said trying reassure me.  

The images kept appearing and disappearing.  Seeing the KKK didn't surprise me - we were in Georgia after all but the people looked like they were from the 1920's - not from the Civil War.  The people dressed as the Klan seemed to be trying to capture the white people with the same vigor as they had for people with darker skin.  Just when I wondered if it was my overactive imagination - we drove by a farm with a confederate flag flying high over the crops. 

"Sweet suffering Jesus - some people  just cannot give up the fight," my father said with a huge dose of disdain.  I was feeling a real heaviness on my chest and my head hurt.  I also had to go to the bathroom but didn't want to stop around here but my bladder had a different idea - damn that extra large Icee.   "Daddy, can we stop?  I really have to use the ladies room."   We drove past some interesting sites like the Salt Lick Sausage Factory and the future location of the Grits Festival trying to find a road side stop.  We finally found one - a small filling station next to a country store that seemed quaint.  My head was still feeling strange but I attributed that to the fact that I was going to burst if I didn't get to a john ASAP.  I ran into the store and sighed with relief when I saw the word restroom on the back.  My dad got some coffee and talked to the sales clerk who was a heavy set woman in her 40's and a teased up-do with bright red lipstick. 

As I entered the bathroom which had a few stalls, I felt something in there that was not friendly.  "Hey, I just need to go to the bathroom and I'll leave you be - I really don't want any trouble," I said to the entity that seemed to be spoiling for a fight.  I used the toilet and started to wash my hands when something literally shoved me against the stall door.  "Hey, that's enough - I mean you no harm now let me go in peace," I said more sternly just like Granddaddy had taught me.  Just than I heard the phrase "Too late, N-gger lover" as I got thrown out of the bathroom.  

I tried to keep my composure as the clerk named Aggie and Daddy watched me nearly trip over a display by the bathroom.  "Be careful Sugar Bear -" he said not realizing I was being harangued by something on the other side.   Daddy handed me his coffee cup and I took a sip which helped steady me.  "What is the history here Aggie?" I asked casually but I had a pretty good idea of what it was.  

Aggie looked  uncertain at telling a pair of outsiders what the place had once been.  "Oh, you know, farms around these parts - God fearing people mostly.  We're actually gearing up for the Grits Festival -" she replied when all of the sudden the cigarette display behind her fell forward.   "What the hell?" she asked as she leaned over to pick up a pack of Lucky Strikes when the beef jerky in an nearby isle was also knocked over.  "Daddy, we need to go now - I get the feeling the spirits don't like us here," I whispered. 

But my warning came too late.  There was a circle of ghostly Klansman surrounding the outside of the store.  It didn't matter that it was barely dusk- they were out for blood and whelded axes and torches.  My father looked outside and jumped back.   "Daddy, do you see that?" I asked quietly.  "Sugar bear we best not go outside," he whispered back.  The clerk got under the counter trying to pick up cigarettes.  I saw the apparitions of men in white sheets rush the front of the store. The doors to the beer display were thrown open while bottles of Bud and Heineken exploded causing glass and ale to flood the place.  The bottles of carefully arranged Boones Farm Strawberry Wine also started to implode. We jumped behind the counter with the Aggie.  "Hey- has this happened before?" I asked as more glass and alcohol smashed around us.  "This here county was dry up until about six months ago and we just started selling beer and wine last night," she replied.  "Was the Klan active around here with prohibition?" I asked trying to keep my voice down.  Aggie looked down realizing keeping the family secret was not worth it anymore.  "Yes, outside of Atlanta, this was one of the most active Klan Orders in Georgia.  They went from lynching coloreds to killing bootleggers in the 1920's.  My great grandfather was the Grand-Dragon and this was their headquarters.  Our store was failing so once we were not a dry county anymore we decided to sell alcohol."   

The smell of the beer and wine was getting to me and I felt sick.  We crawled to the storage room and tried to get out through the back door only to see a still in the supply area blocking the exit.  "Holy shit," my father whispered, "you  have a still?  Do you know how flammable that stuff is?"  "It's a sideline we were hoping to launch when we got a full liquor license," Aggie replied still not sensing how much danger we were in even with all the glass breaking in the store.  We saw the back door open and another ghostly figure in a red Klan outfit walk through the door.  Aggie could not see him but Daddy and I could.  "Ladies get behind me," he said as he grabbed two broom sticks and twisted the ends off of them.  He then broke one in half.   He grabbed a box of rock salt that was near an ice cream maker and threw a handful in the face of the ghost as we ran out the door.  The ghost stopped and covered his face.  Daddy found a hammer, nails and a gas can near a lawn mower outside.  He hammered the two sticks together to make a cross and then poured gas over it. 

"What the hell are you doing?  You can't do that here -" said Aggie afraid of stirring up images of the past that her family had tried to erase.  "Look, that glass breaking is a bunch of pissed off Klan ghosts who think your defaming their land by selling booze," I replied understanding where my dad was going with this.  "We need to lure them away from the store or they will completely destroy it," my dad stated.  It dawned on me that he knew more about ghosts than he had ever let on.  

We ran to the home behind the store with a small pond and a large backyard.  I looked and saw the Grand Dragon close behind.   "Do you know where some matches are?" I asked.  Aggie looked in the BBQ but there were none to be found.  "We need to light this or your store is gone."  We searched frantically and heard the rhythmic footsteps coming closer.  He spied some copper wire and iron nails on the porch that looked like they were part of some art project on black velvet.      

''Daddy plunged the cross in a couple of bags of soil and started to put a big copper ring around the bottom of the cross with the nails and wire.   "Dammit - I need matches or a lighter - anything!" he exclaimed as we started to see the branches of the hedge nearby move.  I noticed a blow torch under a tarp.  "Hey will this do?" I asked.   "Yeah, but we need a spark," Dad replied as the plants around us started to move on their own and the Grand Dragon was in full visage - even Aggie could see him and screamed.  I looked near where I had found the blow torch and spied a flint.  I handed it to my father and he lit the cross. 

It was just getting to be dusk and the cross was visible over the pond.  We could hear the ghost scream "No one burns a cross on my lawn, that's for n-ggers!"  The Grand Dragon rushed to the flames as Daddy closed the copper ring making it impossible for him to escape.   "Sophia, put a circle of rock salt around you and Aggie - then throw me the box!"  I did just as he said and kept Aggie close to me.  Daddy grabbed some ash from the BBQ and mixed it with the salt and started to say the 91st Psalm.  The other ghostly Klansmen started to come through the yard - with blood on their hands and blood dripping from their masks.  Aggie shreiked - they came near us but could not touch us because we were in the rock salt circle.   

They turned to Daddy who kept in reciting the 91st Psalm - “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.   I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress - my God, in whom I trust’…” The Klansmen looked confused as their leader was powerless and writhing in pain.  “Because he loves me says the Lord, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation," my father recited confidently never breaking eye contact with the evil wizard trapped in copper wire.  Just as he got the the last line -  "I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation," he threw the ash and rock salt in Grand Dragon's face.  The flames then engulfed his red robes and you could here his moans  which were magnified over the pond.  He had tried to say on this earthly plane for as long as possible but now the gates of hell were pulling him in and he was no longer in control.  The rest of the Klansmen stopped in their tracks and let out a ghostly howl as the pond opened up like a fiery pit and sucked them into an unholy abyss.       

A quick hot breeze brushed by us and then everything went

silent.   I looked over at Aggie - who had her hands over her ears and her eyes closed.  "It's okay Aggie - they're gone," my father said quietly.  Aggie opened her eyes and the pond was quiet with barely a ripple.  The only thing that looked fiery was the sun as it was setting behind the magnolia trees. 

"Let's get a broom and clean up the store but if you know a priest or a minister - I'd have him do a blessing before you open back up," Daddy said wisely.  I didn't say anything because it all seemed so surreal not just the run-in with the ghosts of the Klan but my father being able to banish them.     

We helped Aggie throw away all the broken glass and mop up the floor which smelled of sweet wine and old beer.  They had destroyed about half the alcohol stock but at least the store was still standing.  Aggie thanked us but I was pretty sure that she was in shock.  I gave her the Angel of God prayer to calm her down and my father suggested that she do the 91st Psalm every day before she went to bed and to put rock salt around the property as well as the windows to keep bad spirits out.   He grabbed an extra box and had me put in my suitcase just in case we saw anymore unfriendlies on the road.

As we got in the car, I looked at my father-completely amazed at what he'd done.  "Daddy, how did you - I mean you never - you could see all that?" I asked still wrapping my head around it.  "I mean all this time - you never let on - you never tried to tell me - " I said trying not to get angry - but hell this was a pretty big secret to keep considering I had been seeing ghosts for the last 12 years of my life. 

"Sugar Bear, I didn't know how to tell you and frankly you can see and talk to them way better than me.  But these entities, they were so strong and evil I could see them easily and frankly they were only going to be banished by someone who seemed like an Alpha male," he said with a huge degree of authority.  "But the bible verse, the salt and ash, you knew what to do - what if I had been alone?" I asked.  "I know which is why I wanted to take this car trip with just you and me to try to explain my life a little better and how you can banish ghosts.  Your great-grandmother had the gift and then I got it to a certain degree and then it landed on you.  I never told your mother," he said with remorse in his voice.  "I should have been there more for you - I'm sorry.  I just spent all my life running from this and then when you said all those things at the family reunion  from the ghosts of our families I wanted to stay but your mother just kept pushing me away.  I wanted custody but back in the 1960's they never would have given it to me.  I'm so sorry, baby, I really am."   For the second time in my life - I saw my father cry.

We sat in the car and looked out the window not saying anything.  At least my father had come clean but all those years felt wasted and I didn't know what to say.  "Sophia, I want you to know I will always be there for you- believe it or not - I always have.  I talked to Etta about using her knowledge of the occult to help you.  I also asked Granddaddy to mentor you as well.  I wanted you have people and entities around who could help and protect you when I was not around - the way I wished someone would have helped me.  The rock salt circle was protection from the bad things - that's how I want you to see me.  I love you baby girl more than I can say.  Please forgive me." 

I wanted to say something about how I felt like he was not around enough, that I felt abandoned when he started his new family, that I needed to know about all this sooner.  But he was telling me now and that meant something.  If I've learned anything from all the ghosts I've encountered  - it was that having regrets in life were not easily released in death and I didn't want that for him or me.  "l love you too Daddy and I always will."   I leaned over and gave him a big hug and he held me close just like that time I was six and he carried me up the stairs after the reunion.   

Daddy started the car and we got back on the highway - the road to college and my soon to be adult life.  I wasn't sure what the future held but I knew one thing for certain - my Dad would always have my back.   

  

Haunted Kindergarten - 1969

I remember how much my black Hushpuppy penny loafers were killing me on my first day of Kindergarten.  I just wanted to wear my jeans and a t-shirt with my old sneakers, but my mother insisted that I wear a dress with ruffles with those new shoes. I was scared because this was the first time I would be around other little kids who were not my cousins.  I also had developed the ability to see dead people during the summer.  I spilled the beans about the family secrets at my mother’s family reunion which went over like gang busters (there is nothing like a six year old telling the family where they had screwed up via the Patriarch Granddaddy who had passed 20 years earlier).  Couple that with the fact that my father had left my mother during the same summer and you had a perfect storm for my first day of school.  

My mother had tried to limit my exposure to outsiders in the last few weeks of summer because she was afraid that I might see another ghost and spill more family secrets.  Besides my mother, I got to spend time with our maid Etta who I adored and the feeling was mutual.  Her children were grown so having a little girl who idolized her probably felt pretty good.  She was not freaked out about the fact that I could see ghosts.  She was originally from New Orleans where tales of ghosts and voodoo were quite common.   On the days when mother was losing patience with me, Etta would say “Miss Laura, I’ll keep an eye on Sophia while you lie down.”  Mother would smile gratefully and go to her room for the rest of the night while Etta and I made cookies and talked before I went to bed.  I looked forward to those times with her because it felt like this is how a mother should be.  I loved her with all my heart.   She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, her dark skin, eyes and hair seemed to exude an exotic beauty I would never have.  

“Child,” she said while brushing my long blond hair one night before bed, “You have the gift - there is no mistake about that, but you have to be careful.  There are people around here that don’t take to others being different.  When you are with the other folks out there, you have to fit in.  You can talk to me about ghosts all you want, but don’t be troubling your mother, father or other people because they won’t understand it and folks just hate what they don’t understand,” she said with the sad resignation of a black woman who had lived in the south all her life.  Even if it was 1969 and TV was becoming integrated, the real South was not going quietly into that good night and I just couldn't understand that.  “Yes, ma’am, but how come being different is so bad?” I asked with such childlike innocence it almost made Etta cry.  “People like what they know, child and they want to destroy what they fear.  Now let’s say our prayers.”   Etta had taught me prayers to keep the bad spirits away and the good ones nearby. When we finished praying I would hug her with all my might.  She would tuck me in, kiss my forehead and waved as she closed the door.  

“That woman is a God send, and I should know,” said Granddaddy- the ghost of my great grandfather.  He would visit me every night carrying the ghost of my baby cat Sassy who had been hit by a car six months before.  “She’s right about folks thinking you are different.  Hell it’s been over a 100 years and you got folks still fighting the Civil War - you think they are going to embrace civil rights?   You need to be careful Sophia.  When you start school, try to fit in and if you see ghosts, try to ignore them.”  “Yes ‘em, Granddaddy - I will,” I said with all the steely determination a pre-Kindergarten child could muster.  

That summer, I asked my mother if I could have a TV in my room and she relented because it meant that I would stay upstairs and out of her way when she had company. Etta and I would watch Bill Cosby in I Spy and Diane Carroll in Julia.  I would see the world through this TV lens of integrated possibilities and it seemed so much more interesting and exciting then the people I saw day to day except for my Etta.  She was the one person in the world who loved me for me and not for the person that my mother wanted me to be.  

So here we were on the first day of school -  my mother and I standing at the gates of Blue Lakes Elementary.  My mother wanted a private school but my father bulked at the price and thought that a newly desegregated public school would do me good.  “Now Sophia, play nice with the other children and don’t do anything strange, I’m begging you – please don’t,” mother said in an uncharacteristically pleading tone. “I know, Etta and Granddaddy told me not to,” I replied. My mother winced when I said Granddaddy since she knew he was one of the ghosts I talked to. 

“Hello, I’m Chrissie Bentley, I’ll be your child’s Kindergarten teacher.   Now who do we have here? “ said Miss Bentley who had just graduated with a Master’s in Early Childhood education from Georgia State.  She was young, pretty and wore a flowery blouse with a short skirt and boots - professional and mod at the same time.  “This is Sophia, and she’s a little shy, so -“ mother replied.  “Well, everyone is shy on the first day, but there are lots of children to play with,” said Miss Bentley.  

“Look those girls might want to be your friend,” mother replied hopefully.  One of the little girls from a group near the playground ran up and introduced herself. “Hey, my name is Betty - want to play?”  I squeezed my mother’s hand tighter not wanting her to leave but she made a point of letting go anyway.  “Now go on Sophia - this is a new start for you- take it.”   Mother said hopefully, and left quickly scarcely looking back. 

Betty took my hand and smiled.  She brought me over to a group of girls playing with dolls.  They had blond hair, frilly dresses and new shoes like mine.  They told me I was pretty and handed me a doll to play with.  I saw two other girls who were black sitting in the corner talking but they didn’t have dolls.  They had big brown eyes with long eyelashes and braids with brightly colored hair ties with large florescent beads on the end. They looked sad so I did what any right thinking six year old would have done, I asked the other girls if they could join us.  “No Sophia, those Negro girls can’t - we don’t have enough dolls,” said Betty with an irritating air of authority.  “They can have my doll,” I said trying to easily solve the problem.  “That ain’t it,” said Sherry - one of the other white girls, “we just don’t want to play with them.”   “Why not?” I asked still not comprehending their narrow way of thinking.  “Because, they are Negros - “ Betty said and shot an exasperated look at me that showed that I lacked the ability to grasp the obvious. I sat quietly and I tried to stay with those white girls.  I tried to blend in.  But I felt sick to my stomach.  It just felt wrong.   

I knew those other girls felt excluded and I knew how that felt.  I saw the ghost of a young black man in uniform sitting next to them, trying to get their attention to let them know he was there.  He looked over at me and we made eye contact.  I looked away, not because I was scared, but because I was not supposed to talk to ghosts.  I had promised mother, Granddaddy and more importantly, I had promised Etta.  I understood now why they were so sad.  This man was their father who was killed in Vietnam.   I just sat there with my eyes closed hoping he would go away, but when I opened them he was next to me speaking to me softly, trying to comfort me.   “Hey there little miss,” he said with a kind voice, “I know you can see me - don’t be scared.  I won’t hurt you.”  “I know you won’t,” I said back.  “I won’t what?” asked Betty thinking I was talking to her.  Thinking fast, I said, “I won’t bother you, I’m going to get another toy,” I walked over to side of the playground where the box ball equipment was.  The young soldier followed me.  

“I’m not supposed to talk to ghosts,” I whispered hoping no one could hear me.  “I know - I tell my daughters to never talk to strangers, but those two are my baby twin girls and I wanted them to have a good first day of school.  It breaks my heart that I can’t be with them in person, but if you could tell them I’m here and I love them, it would mean the world to me,” he said quietly.   “I can try.  I’m sorry you died in Vierrname,” I said.   He tried to smile briefly at my inability to say the right name. “My name is Lieutenant Bobby Wilson and I fought for my country in Laos in Operation Dewey Canyon side by side with white soldiers.  Now my girls, Joy and Grace can go to a public school side by side with white children in Georgia.  This is truly a blessed day.  I can tell you are not like those other girls.  I mean besides being able to see ghosts, you have a gentle heart.  Please be nice to my daughters,” he said.   “I will,” I said my eyes filling with tears because I would tear my heart out of my daddy died.   The soldier bowed his head and faded off. 

“Hey, little girl -don’t you go playing with those tar babies,” I heard an angry booming voice behind me say.   I jumped and saw another ghost, an older white man in overalls and a cap.  He had deep set black eyes and what looked like a permanent scowl on his face and tobacco juice dribbling down his chin.  He was skinny and about six feet tall.  I could tell he was not a nice man.  “I’m Betty’s great grandfather, Ed Whitehead and you best let her be your friend or else,” he said filling me with terror.  “She’s a mean girl,” I said trying to run away.   The ghost flew over my head and got into my face, his dark eyes looking into mine.  “Look girlie, this used to be my farm land and I was fine when it was a school for whites only but now with all these - these -“ he was so mad his mouth started to foam and he spat out more ghostly tobacco juice - “You ain’t never been taught right - now stay with your own kind!!!” he bellowed and faded away.  My heart was beating - I had never encountered a horrible entity like that before.  I was running as fast as I could - my feet blistering in those ill fitting Hushpuppies.  I was looking back when I ran into my teacher, Miss Bentley.  “Sophia, my word, I’ve been all over looking for you.  Please stay with the group,” she said sounding annoyed.  Great, my first 20 minutes of school and I had encountered the mean girls, a gentle soldier ghost and an old racist apparition who threatened harm if I befriended the only two people at school that I could relate to.  I wanted to reach out to those girls but that old man scared the crap out of me.  Maybe once I got home, I could ask Etta and she would know what to do.  

I kept to myself the rest of the day.  The mean girls had decided that I was not of their ilk so they let me be.   Joy and Grace sat together at lunch but were completely alone.  I tried to remain invisible but Miss Bentley wanted all of us to be included in everything.  At the end of the day, it was time for Show and Tell and we were all required to share.   Most of the children seemed to have an excited look on their face except for me and the Wilson girls.   One by one, each child got up with a wonderful tale of what they did for summer vacation - trips to Savannah, St. Simons, Stone Mountain or a day at Six Flags.  Each time another child sat down and it got closer to me, my heart beat harder.  What was I going to say?  My baby kitty Sassy got killed and I began to see ghosts. My mother’s family reunion was fun up until the part where I told the family secrets.  My father left my mother so hell yeah, it had been an awesome summer.   

I looked over at the Wilson girls and knew that even with all the crap that I had endured it was nothing compared to losing a father in a war.  I had to think of something that happened during the summer - something fun.  Finally, it was my turn and I thought of the most fun thing I could think of.  I got up and smiled, “This summer my Etta and me made chocolate chip cookies and we watched I Spy and Julia together,” I said beaming.  “Is Etta your aunt?” asked Teddy, the red headed kid with glasses.   “Etta sounds like a colored name, is she colored?” asked Betty who was getting on my last nerve.  “Etta is my bestest friend,” I said confidently, “and for Christmas I would like a Julia Doll.”  Joy and Grace looked up smiled for the first time that day.  “We do too,” they said together.  The room fell silent and the other six year olds were for at a loss for words.  

“Well,” said Miss Bentley uncomfortably, “that’s very nice Sophia -let’s see if anyone else wants to -“  “Why would you want a Barbie with dark skin? That’s just stupid!” exclaimed Betty throwing back her long blond hair.  Her remark made me mad and those girls needed to be taken down a few notches.  “No you’re stupid, I can play with whatever doll I want to -“ the other kids except for the mean girls started to laugh.  Then the lights started to flicker and I looked to see if Miss Bentley was flashing the fluorescents to get everyone’s attention, but she was sitting with us and no where near the light switch.  I felt a sudden cold shock of air and there was old man Whitehead just looking at me with an image of a flaming cross behind him.  There was a flash of light and then the  windowless room went dark.  The kids started to scream and Miss Bentley tried to reassure us, “Children, it’s fine, just a little problem with the lights.”  She stumbled to her desk and hit the button to the intercom to the office, “Hello, this is Miss Bentley in Kindergarten room A, our lights are out-“ The bell for the end of school rang and the lights went back on.  The kids cheered and the Whitehead ghost was gone.  We gathered up our things walked in single file to the car pick-up lane.  

I knew I had to keep my promise to Lt. Wilson.  When I saw Joy and Grace’s mother, I walked up to her.  “Hello, my name is Sophia and I gotta to tell you and your girls something.”  Mrs. Wilson looked at me quizzically. I’m pretty sure she didn’t expect what I was about to say.  “Joy and Grace’s daddy was here to day and he loves you all very much.  He misses them because he got killed in Vieername in Lousy.  But he was proud to fight with the white soldiers.”  There I had delivered the message and I didn’t care what that old Whitehead ghost thought.  

Mrs. Wilson just looked at me - her face going from confusion, to happiness to sadness in just a few seconds.  “How did you know that?” she stammered.  “You saw our daddy today?  He was here?” asked Joy looking hopeful.  Grace just started to cry and said, “I miss my daddy.”  “Now Sophia, you need to come along baby girl” I heard Etta say just as I turned to see that she was picking me up from school instead of mother.   “I’m sorry if she upset you,” said Etta calmly.  “It’s like you said momma, daddy is an angel looking after us and Sophia saw him!” said Joy excitedly.  I smiled at Etta who was concerned as she and Mrs. Wilson looked around to see if anyone else could hear our conversation.  “It is not natural for that child to know such things,” Mrs. Wilson whispered as she tried to comfort Grace.  “I know, but she has a gift and a good heart that’s probably why your husband reached out to her.  God gives us all gifts in different ways,” said Etta gently.  Mrs. Wilson seemed to feel comforted that Etta felt my skill was God-given and not devil made.  “I know — I know he’s around and I feel better that he’s looking after the girls and me.  It’s just shock to hear -“ her voice trailed off as tears run down her face.  Etta looked around once more and while the other parents were not paying attention to our group- but in another minute or two, that might change.  “We need to go- but it was nice meeting you and your girls, God bless you all.”  Etta and I walked away from the Wilson’s as they tried comprehend what had just happened.  

We got into our white station wagon and Etta buckled me into the back seat.  “Sophia,  you were not supposed to talk to ghosts,” said Etta sounding a little irritated.  “I know ma’am, I tried but they kept talking to me.  Especially that old man Whitehead.  He is a very bad man.”  Etta gasped when I said the name Whitehead.  “You saw that man today?  What did he say?”  “Well, he didn’t want my playing with Joy and Grace and only wanted me to play with Betty - like I got to stick with my own kind.  This was his farm land and he wants whites only.  When I was talking during Show and Tell, he started to make the lights go on and off and I saw him standing next to a burning cross.  What does that mean?”  Etta sat there looking visably shaken.  “It means you are right, he’s a very bad man.  Let’s not tell your mother okay?”  “Okay, can I tell Granddaddy?” I asked.  Etta smiled, “Actually I think Granddaddy might be the perfect person to tell.”  

When I got home, mother was there and told me she got caught up in her charity bazaar meeting.  She asked how the first day of school went and how sweet little Betty was.  I did not want to tell her that little girl was a total racist bitch that I wanted nothing to do with.  I instead said, “It was fun, we had Show and Tell - “ “What did you tell about?” my mother asked apprehensively.   “I told them how much fun I have with Etta,” I replied because it was the truth.  My mother seemed relived and a little hurt at the same time.   Etta made me dinner and we went upstairs afterward.  Mother decided to give me a bath and to talk to me.  “Sophia, it sounds like you had quite a good first day.  I’m glad you feel like you are fitting in.”  “Yes ‘em, momma, I’m trying as hard as I can,” I said sweetly hoping that would keep her from asking me any more questions.   I started to play with my mermaid doll and looked down so our conversation would end.  My mother seemed satisfied with that.  She dried me off and helped me put on my night gown.  “Here you go young lady, now you can watch a little TV before bedtime, okay?”  “Okay, mommy,” I said noticing she was more attentive then usual.  She hugged me and let Etta take over.  

“Mommy was extra nice tonight,” I said.  “That’s right Sophia, your mother loves you very much,” said Etta, “that’s why we can’t trouble her with everything that happened today.”  We sat down to watch Julia in my room.  “You know, me, Joy and Grace all want a Julia doll for Christmas,” I said happily thinking that Santa would hear me even if Christmas was still over three months away.  “I’ll let Santa know,” Etta said with a smile.  “Now, when you talk to Granddaddy tonight tell him about Mr. Whitehead - I have a feeling he might have known him.  Please ask him to come to school with you tomorrow.  If you need extra help you can say the Lord’s Prayer like I taught you.  That prayer and Granddaddy should keep you safe,” Etta explained as she hugged me good night.   The door closed and just like clock work, Granddaddy appeared.  

“Hey there, little darling, how was the first day of school?” he asked as he put Sassy down on my bed.  “Well, Etta thinks you can help me with an old mean ghost named Mr. Whitehead - “  “Sweet suffering Christ, not Ed Whitehead - I never liked that old bastard,”  Granddaddy exclaimed. “Well, his great granddaughter is a mean girl and he wants me to be her friend and not be friends with the two black girls in my class.  He told me I had to like Betty or else and then he appeared in the classroom with a burning cross behind him,” I was shivering because the image and that man scared me.  “That Goddamned old cracker has the balls to threaten my great granddaughter?” he shouted.  Sassy jumped and got under the covers with me.  “When folks found out that he was a member of the Klan, they stopped getting their produce from him.  Eventually, he couldn’t buy his way out of trouble and the bank took his farm,” Granddaddy recounted angrily.  “Etta thought that you could come to school with me and protect me,” I said hoping he would.  “You are Goddamned right I will- living or dead, some people need to learn their place,” said Granddaddy with a determined tone.  “You sleep tight sugar bear, I’ve got this.”  

The next day, I was ready for school and so was Granddaddy.  He sat next to me in the back seat while Mommy drove us to school.  When she let me off, I tried to leave the car fast but she insisted waving to Betty who just ignored us.  “Why isn’t Betty saying hello?” she asked.  “I don’t know, maybe she’s in a bad mood, it happens,” I said.  “Sophia, why would she be in a bad mood?” mother asked.  “Okay, she was mean to the two Wilson sisters and I stood up for them and now she doesn’t like me but the Wilson sisters do so I have friends, bye-“ I said trying to really get away fast.  “Wait, who are the Wilson sisters?” she asked just as Joy and Grace walked up.  “Hey Sophia, let us know if you see our daddy today.  Grace is not scared anymore,” said Joy smiling.  Grace also smiled and waved.  They walked into school and my mother gave me a very long serious look.  “Those are the Wilson girls?  I read in the paper their father died in the war and he talked to you?”  Mother seemed angry and I couldn’t tell if it was because I talked to a ghost or because the girls were black or because the ghost was black - I have a hard time reading her sometimes.  “Mommy, he talked to me and I tried not to but-“ just then the bell rang and the school day was starting.  “Bye mommy - “ I said as I ran to my classroom happy to have the conversation end. 

I got the room just as the Jeb the janitor was checking the lights.  They were flickering and there was old man Whitehead in the corner just looking at me.  This time I had back-up and I saw my Granddaddy go over to him.  “Goddammit, Ed, you stay away from Sophia and those Wilson girls,” he said with authority.  “Fuck you, Chuck,” he retorted,  “You ain’t one to be putting on righteous aires, you ain’t always been so open to the Coons around here - I remember back in 1912 when we burned down the barn of that nig-“ “Watch it!” shouted Granddaddy.  “He mouthed off to a white woman and we burned down his barn - you ain’t so innocent.” said Mr. Whitehead with an air of superiority.  “I regretted that the minute we set the fire- and I never did anything like that again.  Can you say the same thing?!!” yelled Granddaddy.  “The worse thing was you brought your 12 year old son to witness it.  You just spread hate your entire life, it’s what sustained you when you were alive and it’s all you got now that you’re dead.”  

Mr. Whitehead glared at Granddaddy,  He went over the the Wilson girls and started to knock things off their desks.  Granddaddy tried to stop him but more things kept being knocked over.  Joy, Grace and the rest of the children started to scream.   Miss Bentley and Jeb tried to get the children to calm down but the fear in their voices betrayed their intentions.   The lights began in flicker wildly.  “Everybody get under the desks,” I yelled with a clarity that actually surprised me.  Miss Bentley was in a panic and tried to get to the intercom to work to ask for more help.  The lights went off just as Mr. Whitehead grabbed Grace.  I saw a soldier’s hands punch him hard in the face.  For a second, Lt. Wilson was visible to both his two girls, “Get with Sophia where you will be safe,” he commended them.   The girls got under the desk with me and we all put our arms around each other.  

“How dare you punch me boy - “ spewed that old nasty cracker. “Don’t you know you could get hanged for that?” “I’m not a boy, I’m a man and you have no right to be here - this is not your land anymore,” said Lt. Wilson like a true warrior.  “I fought and paid the ultimate sacrifice in the war so my girls could have a good education and a chance at a decent life.  You are not going to take that from them.” 

“Give it up Ed, you’re time here is gone -” said Granddaddy as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Lt. Wilson as a protective shield between the children and the evil entity.  “I didn’t fight for my country just to have the likes of him run me off my land!!“ shouted Mr. Whitehead whose face was turning blood red while his eyes became nothing but black disks of despair.  “You fought for the wrong cause Ed, you never saw how lost it was,” said Granddaddy sadly.  “How can you say that?  Our fathers were in the confederacy - they fought like brothers-“ he responded.  “The Civil War was a sham, it was all about keeping the status quo for the rich.  Our fathers were pawns for the wealthy landowners who didn’t give a shit who got killed as long as they could keep their plantations - it wasn’t about honor it was just about fucking greed,” exclaimed Granddaddy.  

“I’ll show you!!” bellowed Whitehead as he expanded to the size of the ceiling - his face filling with more blood and his dark eyes pulsing.  Suddenly two red dragons with Klan hoods came out of his eyes and started to lunge at Lt. Wilson and Granddaddy.  It’s fangs got closer and closer but Granddaddy and Lt. Wilson would not move because they were the only thing standing between the dragons and the children.  

“Our father who art in Heaven - Hallowed be thy name,” I started to say aloud because I was scared and maybe like Etta said, this prayer might help.  “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” continued Joy and Grace.  The rest of the children joined in and continued with the prayer, “Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.” All the kids started to hold each others’ hands during the prayer.  Betty who was next to me and the Wilson girls reached over and held their hands.  

When Old Man Whitehead saw that, he looked like he had been shot in the heart.   “NOOO!!” he shouted.  He started to shrink and the dragons shot back into his eyes and dissolved.  “You got one chance at redemption, you gonna take it Ed?” asked Granddaddy as the ceiling started to swirl.  “Hell no, my pappy was right, my Grandpappy was right - I ain’t going against them, we were right - Goddammit, we were right -“ the ceiling started to turn from white to black and these very bad spirits started to circle around Mr. Whitehead.  His human features started to melt off as his body was pulled into the vortex - he was screaming trying to hold on.  I covered my ears since I was the only one who could see or hear it.  He was finally completely consumed as the roof closed.  I looked up and I could see that it was back to the white ceiling tiles with a few pieces of gum and pencils stuck to them.  

“It looks like that old peck of wood is gone for good,” said Granddaddy.  “Thank you for standing with me,” replied Lt. Wilson.  “I have been trying to redeem myself for - for what I did - “ “If you were not forgiven, you would have gone with him - but you got a good heart like Sophia,”  explained Lt. Wilson.  “I realize now that maybe I needed to be here for my girls like this instead of alive to protect them.  Now I can be at peace with what happened.” For the first time, I saw Lt. Robert Wilson smile.  He walked over to his girls, kissed their heads and faded out.   Granddaddy smiled at me and faded out as well.  

The lights came back on and except for all the thrown books - the room seemed to be back to normal.  When the other teachers arrived, they attributed the mess and noise to the black out.   The class got out from under their desks.  Mrs. Bentely smoothed her hair and tried to regain her composure. Unfortunately, she got in a little bit of trouble because the people in the office heard us praying (which apparently you can’t do in public school even if you are under an attack from a demonic entity).  We were all allowed to go to recess while the janitors inspected the lights.  

“I saw my daddy,” said Joy.  “Me too,” said Grace.  “He’s around watching over us.”  “I got my Granddaddy watching over me too,” I said smiling trying to focus on them and the sunlight instead of all things I had just seen and heard.   I would tell Etta everything that night and thank Granddaddy at bedtime.  But for the rest of the day, I didn’t feel like an outsider.  I was just a little girl.  Best of all, me and the Wilson girls had lunch together.

Sophia Gardeen is a nationally recognized Medium who is currently working on the show Ghost Wanderers for the Supernatural Channel.  She also makes one hell of a good butterscotch blond brownie.